new talents always welcome. sometimes too welcome.

News Contributing Writers (NCW)
The News Team wholeheartedly welcomes and encourages contributing writers to submit their work. (click on where it says 'submit their work' in a hyperlink text to submit your work).

Please note that you have three chances to become a News Contributing Writer (NCW). If you're not funny the first time you submit a News story- NO PROBLEM!! Not funny the 2nd time? No problem either!! But not funny the 3rd time, and you're fucked. The News Team will not tolerate stupid, lame unfunny submissions more than 3 times from any one person. So please, if you're going to send in retarded shit more than three times, make sure to use fake names and email addresses.

Legal Disclaimer: No News Subject is taboo, except of course, for the subject of negative News Criticism. According to our motto, News tells only truth and no lies. If you submit something other than praise in regards to News, you're clearly lieing, and for this reason, your work can not be published.

Another Legal Disclaimer: Upon submitting a News story, you thereby agree that all your submitted work is the property of News and can be changed, edited, and used to publically humiliate you at our discression. More legal disclaimers can and will be added.

There is no need to submit anything if you do not agree with both of the above legal disclaimers, as well as everything else I have to say.