Despite the millions upon millions of human attempts to make a movie that DOESN"T suck, there has been only one success:

If you think there are any other movies that don't suck, you are not only wrong but also pretty ignorant of the intelligence, humor, suspence and profound ideas captured by FREDDY GOT FINGERED. Here are just a few of the infinite number of reasons why this movie doesn't suck like every other movie ever made:

it was produced and directed by the most talented man to walk the earth... (if you think i'm referring to a genius such as einstein or shakespeare, you are WRONG because those people had nothing to do with freddy got fingered. )

this movie is not a pussy movie. all other so-called 'great' movies feature 'metaphors' and 'symbolism', but this movie actually has the balls to be literal. for instance, when tom green has to get inside the animals- this is not some stupid allusion for thinking like a gay chipmunk. it actually has physical meaning because tom green literally gets inside a moose. fuck metaphors. they're pretentious and if you like them, you need to stop being LAME.

the institute for sexually molested children finally gets some credit. do you know where molested 27-year-olds go? Well i do- this place is called the Institute for Sexually Molested Children.

Suspense THRILLER yea, this movie kept me at the edge of my seat all 50 times that I saw it. seriously, untill you memorize the actual sequence of the scenes, there is NO WAY to predict what the fuck is going to happen next.

Finally the truth of childbirth is revealed. did you really think babies come out of the vagina all pampered and clean, wrapped in a diaper, with their hair combed and jelled? Well sorry to burst your buble, but the uterus is not a beauty parlor. its actually pretty bloody and smelly in there, trust me, i remember from experience. but I guess my word is not enough- go see the childbirth scene in Freddy Got Fingered, it will shatter your sheltered world.

This film is the only movie in the world that features XRAY CAT. What other animal can see through wooden doors?!?!??!?!?!?!

To avoid your stupid IMs about how much you dont understand the genius of Freddy Got Fingered, let me first tell you that you are uncreative and unoriginal. Because no matter how smart you think you are, i guarantee your insult will fall into one of the following categories:

#1. dude, freddy got fingered is totally fucked up, it doesn't make any sense!!

Sorry you dont get it, but I really can't help you. The only way to understand it is to watch it again and again and again. Good luck!

#2. But I can't watch it, even once.... it's so gross, ewww LOL especially that part where the animals have sex LOL eww.

I'd have to agree, I guess horse nudity is pretty vulgar. It's way more disgusting than the human porn that you download for hours every single day. It's indisputably more repuslive than seeing kate winslet having sex on a big boat, its worse than britney spears naked ass that your 3year old daughter tries to imitate, and its definitely waaaaaaay nastier than all those movies that feature JLO"s ass. Please, get over yourselves. what did you think, horses dont have sex? I know!! baby horses come from extraterrestrials that drop them off on our earth at night. NO. horses fuck. there's absolutely nothing wrong with tom green helping them in the process. Because there are no horse gheunecologists, or however u spell those people, or horse sex therapists. Only humans would come up with such stupid branches of medicine.

#3. But stacey, I happen to be handicapped, and I'd have to say, that movie is pretty inaccurate becayse I'm in a wheelchair, but I dont like rockets, or being hit with bamboo across my legs.

First of all, you're not just handicapped, you're also retarded, because you spelled BECAUSE wrong- it's not BECAYSE, unless you're from malAYsia. This may also explain why you dont like being hit with bamboo- because in malaysia they dont have that type of plant. Look it up in the encyclopedia or something. If you're not into rockets, that your own loss, sorry the movie makes you feel really pathetic about all the things you're missing out in life.

#4. That movie makes fun of very serious issues in our society- namely sexual abuse, physical abuse, animal abuse, and materbation. I can not enjoy a film that mocks such human tragedies.

Dear human rights activist/hippie/vegan: masterbation is not a tragedy. It's actually kind of a good thing. Sorry you feel so sadly about it. As far as the other 3 are concerned- I think it's absolutely ok to make fun of any kind of abuse. It's ok to be mean and its especially ok to laugh at people or animals who got more screwed in life than you. that's the whole point of humor, duh. What else are you going to laugh about, people and animals who are more fortunate than you? Well all right, them too. But that's about it. Also, animal abuse is not a HUMAN tragedy. what kind of dipshit are you!?

#5. But those zebras with human heads don't make any sense, what the fuck is that?!!

You are a really big asshole for saying this. These zebras have hooves and they came here from Africa because people rejected them for their zebra bodies and zebras rejected them for their humal heads. These poor creatures did not fit in anywhere, untill finally they came to the US, the land of opportunity. And yoU- you have the balls to make fun of them?!!? In America, we embrace our differences, we dont ostrasize people just because we dont understand them or because they have hooves and stripes. Maybe in other countries, this is ok, but here is not. We must accept these zebras and ease their transition and assimilation into our society.

If you can think of some other smartass comment that falls way beyond the above categories.... well then you obviously haven't seen the movie and can't say anything untill you do. And by 'can't say anything' i really mean- you have lost your right to speech, you seriously need to shut the fuck up untill you watch this movie at least a few times. thanx.