Legal Disclaimer: Obviously I do not hate France, and if you have any sense of humor or any sense at all, you should be able to tell that this whole part of the trip is called sarcasm. Note for the slow: sarcasm means I'm not really serious. For the most part.
Due to the anti-France sentiments in American (as well as the rest of the world), Air France offers the cheapest tickets to my country. So being the millionaire that I am, of course I flew Air France- a 6hr flight to Paris, with a one-hour transfer to a plane from Paris to my country.
Unfortunately, the only meal during my first 6 hour flight consisted entirely out of ass. Air France tried to explain that ass is the primary ingredient of French meals only in cases of blackouts, like the one we experienced 2 days ago. Yea right. We were served a can of ass-beans along with a 4-day old ass-salad that was clearly made before the blackout even started. The only eatible thing was French wine. Having made friends with some French kid next to me, I decided to take full advantage of this only tolerable and unlimited nourishment. So about 2 hours and six bottles of wine later, this poor French kid was finally aware of every pain-staking detail about my 19 year old life.
Needless to say, I was still trashed when our plane landed. But not only was I starving and too drunk to walk, our plane also arrived an hour later than scheduled, thus causing us to miss our transfer plane to Russia. That's when the real fun began. I thus faced the most difficult task I've ever encountered- I had to somehow communicate with French People! While being too drunk to stand up. While desperately trying to convince my sister that I was not the retarded bum I resembled in every single way. While courageously battling malnutrition and permanent liver damage. Yesh.
Finally the French people placed us on a flight that took off 6 hours later, while claiming that they have never even heard of a language called English. Thank you France. By the way, your aiport is the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen. Here is an important picture to illustrate exactly how shitty it is:
Note that I have never been as hungry and hungover as I am in this picture. Also, do not be misguided by that smile on my sister's face. It is not, by any means, the smile of happiness or excitement about being in the french airport. It is the viscious smile of hatred for all of humanity.